Monday, October 12, 2009

secret watch

the mind is crazy place sometimes the people that own it don't even no what going on up there and it can be a little overwhelming sometimes. people come and go but some u cant let get to u. i no u were in a good portion of my life and they were some really happy times u say i don't love u but i do just not in the way u want me too. i do love now as a friend and I'm sorry my emotions got the best of me when we were together and i felt that if i stayed where i was it was almost like a false sense of togetherness. ah fuck u have no idea what i mean ull prolly never read this the one person that does it a really funny lil girl who loves reading my blogs because maybe they sometimes have things in there that she can relate to who knows i mean i wont ask her nor tell u who she is but she knows. and here is one for her maybe it'll help. don't let emotions run ur life. there is this funny anime i watch where these beings called the soul reapers are people of protecting other from chaos that is too great. and they say that if u let emotion go anywhere near whats in ur heart then that goal itself can never be reached. i mean really think bout that one u could watch over someone all ur life and pretty much be their protector and one day let them go because of sheer emotion and the next thing u know life comes and takes them and literally fucks with their head so much that they need to lie and just be plain weird to make sense of all things that comes near them, and trust me that burden on ur heart is something none want to see. i also sit here with a sense of justice on my mind i recently have friends many friends going into new relationships really good friends and alls i want is whats best there is one girl i know that even tho we have not been friends long it feels like a fucking eternity of friendship. shes got a new boyfriend and shes says it feels weird and i let her know for the first time that i have been watching over her ever since this one special night we had together where she actually heard me cry not many people have and she got me threw it and from that day on i vowed to myself to never have to let her to that to me, to never have to hear or see her tars never. i want whats best for her and if that secretly means watching over her then so be it that's fine by my i just want her to know that there is an extra set of eyes now watching everything this new person does a lil drastic i know but that goes for many of my friends i watch over them all the time in the secrecy of the shadows they never no how i help but i know and it helps keep my heart at ease i know i let the person that has prolly loved me the most thus far go but it was out of justice for whats best for her i couldn't cut it trust me i was making her spiral and its fine for me not to be with her but ill watch her from afar its all good but ya so i now sit with my watchful eyes looking for those who will cause harm to that of which i protect and u no what i live for it.


"dream about what you want out of life and use your inner power to make those dreams come true"